Let Me Vent - Frustration

I haven't posted in awhile because I received an email from my local GI doctor and was pretty frustrated about it for awhile. In my last post I informed you that we were starting the appeal process with the insurance to try and get the surgery covered. Well, long story short the insurance company is using my local GI doctor as a go between for me and my insurance. Anyways, they had him contact me to let me know that I need to get a 2nd (well, more like 3rd) opinion about whether or not I should have the surgery and if it would benefit me. , to see if they will cover it.

I'm just frustrated with all the run around from this doctor to another doctor and then fighting the insurance company too. So, I called to schedule my appointment with this new doctor and they won't even schedule me an appointment until they have all my paperwork. Hopefully I will get around to calling everybody to send them all my paperwork. When I get frustrated like this, I just want to give up and forget it all, so then I keep pushing off making the phone calls they want me to.

Another thing that bothers me is that I actually work for the hospital my insurance is through and they still don't want to cover things. I supposedly heard that they made the comment that "she is stable". Well yes I'm stable, because I'm on the TPN.....that's not the way I want to live the rest of my life and if my body would start rejecting it, I wouldn't be stable for long. Which is why I'm interested in the surgery, to see if it will help and then I can get off the TPN and lead a more normal life.

There's plenty more I could write about, but I will end it here. I don't like to complain, but sometime I just need to get it off my chest a little.

Taking it one day at a time!!!
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Tired of Going Nowhere!!!! (Let me Vent)

The title describes how I have been feeling more often than not. I'm tired of just sitting here in limbo. Overall, most things are staying the same with somethings a little worse, but overall the same. I'm still on TPN. I try eating with more failure than success. My lower GI system still doesn't want to cooperate. My PICC is driving me crazy. I'm tired of not working and therefore no income.

I guess one of the hardest parts for me is to not know how things are going to turn out. I wish somehow somebody could just tell me the end result. Tell me if I will eventually get better or if I will stay like this or if things will just get worse. I know nobody can do that, but being in limbo with no important doctor appointments or procedures, just gets tiring. Nothing new being scheduled to try and see if there is anything that could possibly help me get better.

It has been going on 2 months now since I have been to Temple. To me it seems like I'm not one step closer to anything new than I was months ago. I call Temple every Friday to check and see if I am any closer to getting things moving again. This past Friday I didn't get to speak with anybody so I just left a message and I still haven't heard anything back from them. I'm thinking about calling the insurance company tomorrow to see if they have anything different to say.  If not, I know somebody who has offered to go up the ladder and see if the people they know can get anything moving.

Lately I feel like my faith (what little I had) is slowly slipping away. It seems like God will/can help anybody else, but me. I realize we all go through what we go through because of what God might be trying to teach us, show us, or mold us. It just gets hard when your in the middle of it and you can't see any light on either end of the tunnel. I still know the reality that God has not neglected me or forgot about me, but it's easier to sit here and type it than to actually feel it.

Sorry to vent, but it's been awhile since my last "let me vent" post and tonight seemed like a good night to do that :)

Taking it one day at a time!!!

Let Me Vent!!!

This is a trial run of posts that I will call "Let me Vent" . These post are where I will vent once and awhile about things that are really bothering me. It can be about anything and please know that these posts are not pointed at any individuals specifically. So, here goes the first one!

Upon discharge from the hospital everybody assumes you are doing better. Why wouldn't they? I totally get it.  I'm sure I would be assuming the same thing because that is how things work. You get sick, go to hospital, start getting better, go home. That's how things work. Well, not so much the case in my situation. I was discharged home because there was nothing else they could do for me, and what they were doing I'm able to do at home. So there is no point keeping me in the hospital when they can't do anything more for me. So therefore I was discharged home to be followed by nurses until I can get to Temple. To keep hanging in there till I get to Temple to see if there is anything they can do there. They offer different tests and surgeries that may be available. What they are doing for me right now is not necessarily going to help me get better or feel better, it is just to keep me from getting any worse. At this point I wouldn't be able to handle getting worse because I'm already not good.

I guess the point that is frustrating to me is that people assume things are better or getting better when they're not and I don't have the heart to tell them that things actually aren't really any better. (I'm such a sucker.)  Instead I just either agree with them or answer some generic response that can be taken however they want it to!

Well now that this is off my mind, I'm going to bed. Good night all!!!