5 Things I Enjoy Most!!!

1) My Dog - Lucky

2) Family (Nephews)

3) Photography

4) Babies

5) Sunrises/Sunsets

You Are.....

You are the sunshine in the rain

You are the joy in the sorrow

You are the strength in the weakness

You are the peace in the madness

You are the courage in the fears

You are the solace from the hurting

You are the refuge from the storm

You are the relief through the torment

You are the support through the tears

You are the comfort through the pain

You are the rest for the weary
You are the hope for the tomorrow
You are the cure for the ailing
You are the encouragement for the depressed
You are the remedy for the soul

No Steps Forward!!!!

I called the insurance company today to see if they could tell me anything. The lady I spoke with hadn't received any paperwork asking for approval or anything. She said that there shouldn't have to be any since Temple was participating. I asked her if she could call them and tell Temple that since they seemingly are waiting on the insurance. She told me she didn't know where to call, but asked me to call Temple and get the procedure codes for what they want to do. Then call her back and she would see if they did need approval first. I still hadn't heard back from Temple when I called them on Friday and I couldn't reach anybody today either, so I just left another message.

The saying usually goes - one step forward, two steps back. well this time it doesn't even seem like we are taking any steps forward. I'm thinking somebody forgot how to walk :)

Home health nurse coming again in the morning for dressing change. I was also to the doctor on Monday and they ordered some more blood work so I need to get that done sometime this week. I may get that done tomorrow at Geisinger.

I still haven't heard anything regarding the job interview I had last Monday. I'm still hoping, but everyday that goes by and I don't hear anything my hopes go down. If I don't hear from them I'm thinking about looking to see if I can find anything else that would work with all my restrictions and such. I was hoping to get back to work with at least one week left on my FMLA, but that isn't looking too promising. I wanted at least a little time left so that when I started in the new department if I had to take off for any reason I would still have some time left. If I use all my FMLA I don't know what they will use for my doctor appointment and such since I will have no time whatsoever.

Taking it one day at a time!!!

It Will Be Worth It All!!!

No matter what we go through in this life, how hard and dark it might seem - It will be worth it all to make it safely to the other side. Everything in this life is worth it all to just make it to heaven and see Jesus.

I often lose sight of the end goal when problems in my life are right in front of me and that is all I can see. I go through life looking straight ahead as far as I can, but when problems in my life are so big I can't see very far ahead. I look at my feet and I can't see to even take the next step. It's so dark and I wonder if there is even ground underneath the next step. That is when I need to realize I shouldn't even be looking down or straight ahead but I need to look up because that is where I will find the help, the strength and wisdom I need to go on. I need to get my focus off my problems and focus on the goal, which is Jesus. Maybe God puts big huge problems right in front of us to remind us where we need to be looking - up!!! We need to look up to Him and trust him that there is ground underneath our next step and we just need to have faith in him.

I need to look at this trial as a stepping stone and see what growth and benefits I can get from it. I don't need to look at it as a valley but as something to build me up. Not looking at it as, am I ever going to get better, but look at it as what can I take from this. How can I use what I am going through to help others?

Yes, this was a lot easier to type than it is for me to actually try and do. With God's help though I will take this season of my life and make the best out of it.

Taking it one day at a time!!!

Tired of Going Nowhere!!!! (Let me Vent)

The title describes how I have been feeling more often than not. I'm tired of just sitting here in limbo. Overall, most things are staying the same with somethings a little worse, but overall the same. I'm still on TPN. I try eating with more failure than success. My lower GI system still doesn't want to cooperate. My PICC is driving me crazy. I'm tired of not working and therefore no income.

I guess one of the hardest parts for me is to not know how things are going to turn out. I wish somehow somebody could just tell me the end result. Tell me if I will eventually get better or if I will stay like this or if things will just get worse. I know nobody can do that, but being in limbo with no important doctor appointments or procedures, just gets tiring. Nothing new being scheduled to try and see if there is anything that could possibly help me get better.

It has been going on 2 months now since I have been to Temple. To me it seems like I'm not one step closer to anything new than I was months ago. I call Temple every Friday to check and see if I am any closer to getting things moving again. This past Friday I didn't get to speak with anybody so I just left a message and I still haven't heard anything back from them. I'm thinking about calling the insurance company tomorrow to see if they have anything different to say.  If not, I know somebody who has offered to go up the ladder and see if the people they know can get anything moving.

Lately I feel like my faith (what little I had) is slowly slipping away. It seems like God will/can help anybody else, but me. I realize we all go through what we go through because of what God might be trying to teach us, show us, or mold us. It just gets hard when your in the middle of it and you can't see any light on either end of the tunnel. I still know the reality that God has not neglected me or forgot about me, but it's easier to sit here and type it than to actually feel it.

Sorry to vent, but it's been awhile since my last "let me vent" post and tonight seemed like a good night to do that :)

Taking it one day at a time!!!

Reality!!!

Posted in order from most frequent to less frequent:
There will be bad start days with bad end days.
There will be good start days with bad end days.
There may even be bad start days with good end days.
But there will rarely, if ever, be great start days and great end days.

That unfortunately is reality for me. Hopefully if Temple and the insurance will communicate and get on the same page, maybe reality for me can change.

Three important prayer requests from me for this week:
1. That there will be progress with Temple and the insurance.
2. That I would get the job I interviewed for.
3. If I get the job, that the doctors will release me to go back to work soon.

Will keep you posted through the week.

Taking it one day at a time!!!

Bad Day!!!

Today is not a good day at all. Basically if I do too much beside being still I start dry heaving and then it takes awhile to get it stopped.

I did leave a message with Temple asking for an update with the insurance company, but haven't received a call back yet.

Taking it one day at a time!!!

4/14/2011

Still no word from Temple yet. I'm just going to give them a friendly reminder call tomorrow, letting them know I'm still around and need help!!!

No word on the job interview yet, maybe tomorrow (I'm hoping)!!!!

It was a beautiful day today. I was able to spend time outside, loved it!!!!! Hoping for another nice day tomorrow.

Dark as Night!!

When we have so much pain,
That all we can see is our tears
And our days are dark as night.

When all it does is rain,
And we wonder if anybody hears
That we feel like we're losing the fight.

Is there anything to gain?
Can anybody calm the fears?
Will we ever see the light?

We must remember the one who loosed our chains,
As the end of our lives and eternity nears
And imagine what a glorious sight.

4/13/2011

I sill haven't heard anything back from Temple. I'm so tired of nothing happening.

My dressing changes are now going to be every three days. They want to keep an eye on the site since it wasn't looking too good last time. They will be coming tomorrow morning to do it. It's also time for them to recertify me, they have to do that every 60 days, so they will be doing that tomorrow also.

Hoping to soon hear something about my interview!!!

Trying to take it one day at a time!!!

The One Who Holds My Life!!!

I know that there is sickness, but I know of one who heals

I know that there are tears, but I know who brings the joy

I know that there is darkness, but I know who is the light

I know that there is suffering, but I know who is the comforter

I know that there is pain, but I know who is the solace

I know that there are storms, but I know who is the refuge

I know that there are burdens, but I know who carries the load

I know that there is weakness, but I know who is the strength

I know that there are doubts, but I know there can be faith

I know that there are valleys, but I know whose hand I hold

This friend is named Jesus, He's the one who holds my life!!!

Nurse visit 4/10/2011

Today was time for another home health nurse visit. My PICC site isn't looking to good. They are trying a different dressing to see if that helps any.

I had blood drawn which also proved to be quite the challenge. The nurse had some trouble accessing the mediport, but was able to get it on the third or fourth try.

No news from Temple today.

Taking it one day at a time!!!

Interview

I had my interview today. I won't hear anything for a couple of days now. All I can do is see what happens. They offered me to stay and shadow so I did that for a couple of hours after my interview. It looks quite confusing at first but hopefully that clears up with time. Will explain more about the job of I actually get it.

My Mountain's A Hill

I heard a song last night that put things in perspective based on what really matters. My mountain is just a hill from heaven's point of view. What seems so large to me right now in my life is just small in God's eyes. The mountain that is right in front of me that I can't see what is on the other side. That mountain is just a hill!!!

I may think I'm never going to get through this mountain, I'm never going to get to the other side, and I'm never going to come through this situation. The hardest part is not knowing. I don't know what lies ahead. I just have to realize and trust God that even through my problems, through my mountain which seems so big. So big that I have no idea how I'm going to ever climb this mountain. I just have to realize that this mountain is just a hill, from heaven's point of view.

It gets frustrating for me to be seemingly in limbo. No important appointment scheduled. I'm just sitting around waiting to get some Temple appointments scheduled. Nothings changing...it's the same old, same old...... I know that God is the only one that knows my future, but it's hard for me not to know some things. Am I ever going to get off the TPN? Will I be on it for the rest of my life? Is Temple going to be able to help? Am I going to be like this from now on?

I want to make plans with my life and try to have goals. It's hard for me to just go from day to day, week to week, and month to month with no changes and no plans to help things change.

I just have to remember that the most important things in life!! That this mountain may be bigger than Mt. Rainier in my eyes but With God's help and his teaching, I'm going to climb this mountain one way or another. Which actually is just a little hill from heaven's point of view!!!!

Taking it one day at a time!!!

4/7/2011

Well, I had to make a trip to Geisinger today. When I flushed my PICC this morning there was no blood return. I tried for awhile but I couldn't get it fixed. I tried all the tricks I would try as if it was my paitent. When this happens at work we page the IV team and then when they come and try it works right away for them. So that is what happened when I went. The IV team came and right away it started working for them. I felt so stupid.

The job I'm interviewing for is a desk job which is just what I need right now. I am sad that I can't do actual floor nursing for awhile but this is the situation I'm in right now. Hopefully one day I can return to SCU3 and work again but for now I'm happy that they are helping me and found me something that I can do in this current situation.

I tried calling Temple today to see what the hold up is but I just got the answering machine. I left a message and will try calling them tomorrow. I just am getting so frustrated with this waiting game.

Taking it one day at a time!!!

Job Update!!!

I missed a call yesterday from my nightshift coordinator. So this morning when I woke up there were 2 texts from her telling me to call my boss because she had something to discuss with me. I called my boss and there was no answer so I just left a message telling her to call me back. She called back and told me that she found a job that needed a good nurse. She told me that she already put a good word in for me with the manager there and that they were really interested in having me. She explained to me that I could transfer to that department and then when I am better and able to be a floor nurse again, it sounded like she would welcome me back. So she went ahead and gave that department my number and they just called me this evening and scheduled the interview. I'm excited and scared at the same time. The interview is for this Monday at 10:00am.

Phone calls update!!!

So today I called the HR department and to get the scoop on what is going to happen when my FMLA runs out at the end of this month. My boss mentioned that she would try and get me an extended medical leave. So, when my FMLA runs out I will automatically begin my extended medical leave which last for one full year from the day it starts. Since I have no PTO time, which means no money, Geisinger covers all my insurance for that full year. (Answer to prayer!!!) When medically cleared to go back to work I have two months to get a job as an internal hire. Which means they will first see if my floor has any openings and if not to find a job that would be best for me. So knowing this is a relief, especially that I will still have insurance.

Now for the Temple and insurance situation. I called the insurance to see if they received the paperwork and if it was approved/denied. They acted like they didn't receive any paperwork, but that I didn't need any. They said Temple was cooperating with them and that I could just go ahead and do what they wanted done. So when I called Temple to schedule the appointment I got a totally different story. I guess I was the second person that day to call and say that, but they hadn't heard that from the insurance company. So they are going to have to look into the situation further. So now I have to wait to hear back from them.

So hopefully they will soon get the straightened out and get my appointment scheduled so that things can move along.

Taking it one day at a time!!!

4/1/2011

I just realized when I was typing the date that today is - April Fool's Day!!! If I was at work I might try a prank but I'm not, so no April Fool's day jokes for me.

I need to call Temple and/or the insurance company to see what is going on with the requests. It has been 3.5 weeks now and I haven't heard a single thing. The doctor on Monday ever so nicely mentioned that Geisinger does all the tests and procedure that Temple is wanting done but that he didn't think they would be beneficial for me! Are you serious? Annoying!!!

My boss at work told me that I will be placed on extended medical leave once my FMLA runs out. So I have to call HR and get some questions answered and see what all needs done to get that ball rolling. I just hope I can keep my job and my insurance. I don't know what I would do if they didn't hold my job and I lost insurance.

Hoping things work out!!!
Taking it one day at a time!!!

3/30/2011

I had my GI doctor appointment on Monday. It was just for a follow-up except that I started getting sick on Sunday so for me it was more of a "what's wrong now" appointment.

I started having bad abdominal on Sunday morning and have been having troubles with my bowels since I was in the hospital. Since the hospitalization I had to take a laxative everyday it seemed just to go. I didn't like doing that, so I decided to stop and see what my body would do on it's own. Well I guess the answer is not much. I started with abdominal pain, leaking around J-tube sight, vomiting without anything by mouth. The doctor would have liked to have just done an x-ray or CT scan but knowing that I have been exposed to so much radiation and such he is concerned about me getting cancer from all the tests I've had done. So he elected for a more conservative route for now. So now I have to do 2 suppositories a day and take a stool softener pill when I can - fun fun!!! If it doesn't get better within a week I'm supposed to let him know. 

Now here are my thoughts. Since I know some things from being a nurse - I am concerned for a bowel obstruction or that something is wrong with my J-tube. I also know that they are not good things to just wait around on either. The pain wasn't any better maybe a little worse on Tuesday. Today the pain was some better this morning getting a little worse tonight, but I can hope that things are straightening up on their own. If something is wrong I'd rather get it taken care of sooner than later.

I'll see how I feel tomorrow as to whether or not I call and schedule another appointment. 

Taking it one day at a time!!!

3/27/2011

Thursday I had a nutrition appointment at Geisinger. They decided that they wanted me to try backing off on the TPN and do it every other day. They figure I will have to stay on the TPN though until Temple starts doing things that hopefully can help.

I have another GI appointment on Monday, so I'll let you know how that appointment goes on Monday night. It's with the doctor at Geisinger that gets me pretty frustrated sometimes. So I guess we will see how it goes.

I still haven't heard anything from Temple regarding the insurance approval/denial. This Tuesday will be 3 weeks so I think I should soon be hearing something. If I don't hear by the end of the week I might give them a call and see what the scoop is.

A different home health nurse will be coming on Monday. I hope she is nice and knows what she is doing :) I think I will only be getting a dressing change. I don't think they are drawing labs this week unless they want to check my electrolytes since I am now only doing TPN every other day, but I doubt it.

Today is not a very good day. I thought last night I might have had a little fever and than today I'm in a lot of pain and feel lousy. So I will definitely be taking it easy today.

Taking it one day at a time!!!